Staying Afloat

That’s where I am right now.

The past few weeks have been great, but they’ve been busy. Work has been a bit hectic as we are coming up on the end of the school year, which means we are doing state tests, reading assessments, getting ready for report cards, we have a field trip coming up soon, etc. My coworkers and I very much feel like we have “Senioritis” right now – remember that last semester of high school when you could barely focus on school because your mind was focused on grad nite, graduation, summer break, and going off to college? Well, how are we supposed to focus on teaching the kiddos these last few weeks when we have our minds set on field trips and class parties and summer break and next year’s new batch of kiddos? And I know the students are feeling the very same.

Things at home have been busy too. Because I’ve been struggling at work, I have been working later most days. In addition, the last few weekends have been nonstop activities. One weekend, pool day with the in laws. Then, camping. The next weekend, my husband’s birthday and family in town. The next weekend? Disneyland. This weekend is the first in what feels like ages where we don’t actually have something planned and we can finally (sort of) relax. But even then, we are spending it catching up on our dishes and laundry, which have been seriously neglected lately. Plus, Bear has a cold (cough, runny nose, low fever) and needs lots of extra attention.

So how do you fit in “me time” to rest, relax, and recuperate when things are this hectic? I’m writing this blog post from the bath. Last week I felt fortunate to go out with friends two evenings in a row. Today I was supposed to go to book club but that ended up as a bust. I managed to watch the most recent episode of Game of Thrones today while Monkey took her nap, so that was something. But other than those few things here and there, I feel like it is just so hard to find “me time” while still taking care of the house and kids in an equitable way.

So for today, I am staying afloat. This ship will not sink!

Hosting a Playdate

The other day, I finally hosted my first playdate at my house. That is, I actually had my own friends and their kids over. Despite having an almost three year old, and despite having a fair number of parent friends, I’ve never actually felt comfortable enough to have anyone over.

So finally, I did.

I was honestly so anxious about it. First of all, I always think that my friends must all secretly hate me. Do all people have that fear? Leading up to the invitation (which was really just a text message that said, “you and your boys are welcome to come over”), I was seriously wrought with anxiety. My internal monologue was something along the lines of, “She’s going to read my text and roll her eyes. She’s going to make up an excuse. She doesn’t even need an excuse, I bet she’s already got something better planned.” But, I invited my friend and her kids over anyway.

If I had been in another mood, or if I had planned this playdate out in advance, I’m sure I would have spent a great deal of time researching how to host a great playdate. I imagine the blog posts or Pinterest pins that would suggest that a proper playdate host should send out invitations at least 3 days in advance, or make sure to provide a wide variety of allergen-free snacks, or to have a carefully curated playdate theme. But I didn’t.

I didn’t even dust.

And when my friend came to the door and her kids came on in, Monkey eagerly showed the boys all her toys and the three of them spent the next hour chasing each other up and down the hall, giggling and screaming. There weer a few squabbles about taking turns with the ride-on toy, but otherwise, it went off without a hitch!

I can’t wait to do it again. And my Monkey can’t stop talking about how much fun it was when her friends came over.

Checking in – 4/16/19

It has been a busy week or so.

Spring break ended last week so I’ve been busy with Emwork for a week now. So much feels easier when I’m not working. I was getting into a groove at home – laundry was getting done, spent time with my kids, went on outings, etc. And now I’m back at work and so much of my focus is there.

We went camping this past weekend (Camping with a baby? Camping with a baby and a toddler? Yep!) and it was not the best trip… We were underprepared for the cold. It got down to the 30s at night, and husband and I played tug of war with the top sleeping bag for half the night, at which point I took Bear with me to sleep in the car. Also, we left a bag of goods on the kitchen table. All in all, not the best camping trip.

Anyway I want to keep it brief. Hopefully the week will end better.

Routines

One of my biggest struggles in, well, life, is keeping things organized and neat. I’m terrible at it. I grew up in an extremely clutters house – it wasn’t quite Hoarders status, but it definitely would have worked well on a show like Clean House. We had too much stuff, and we didn’t have a place for each of our belongings, and it was a constant pile-up.

So one of my big goals has always been to make sure that my own home doesn’t end up that way.

So far we have done alright with that. Before I moved out of my parents’ house, I pared down my belongings significantly. I was able to move in with my then-fiance and his family using one car load. And my car wasn’t very big.

But slowly things have accumulated. Part of it is that in our home we have lots of hand me downs from my in laws. We have their spare furniture, for one, and we also have enough silverware to feed an army. We also have tons of hand me down clothes for the babies. Just this weekend I was given a trash bag filled with size 9 and 12 baby clothes. I am grateful for that, but at the same time, it is hard to manage all that extra stuff.

To combat the mess, I’ve put two routines to help me keep under control. This idea was borrowed from A Slob Comes Clean. When she first started her blog, she started with one non-megotiable task, and slowly added in more of those tasks.

My routines: I must wash at least one load of laundry each day. With two adults, one toddler, and one baby, it definitely adds up. Add in the part-time cloth diapering, and doing laundry daily just seems necessary. I want to get to the point where I wash AND fold AND put away a load a day, but I’m just not there yet.

My other routine is to make sure the living room is picked up every night before bed. This seems simple, but unless I consciously tell myself to do it, it doesn’t get done. The majority of Monkey’s toys stay in her room, but the living room has plenty of books, as well as coloring books and crayons and baby toys for Bear. I’m also totally guilty of leaving dirty socks on the floor right where I take them off, spit up rags, laundry that I started to fold that didn’t get finished, etc. It feels so much better to wake up in the morning to a clean living room. And since the kids are gone all day, it stays clean until we get home in the evening and it is so nice to have the living room look presentable.

I’ve been working on these two simple tasks for the past 2 weeks. That probably sounds like nothing. But for me, those tasks pile up so quickly. At bedtime I feel so tired I could keel over dead right then and there, but spending that extra five minutes to toss all the toys into bookshelf bins makes a world of difference.

It feels nice to finally have my house somewhat under control. Now I need to work on keeping up what I’ve got going now, add in some extra steps (slowly! Baby steps!) and pretty soon I’ll be the next Martha Stewart (ha!). Then, if I could just find the balance and keep.my classroom clean too… that would be simply incredible.

Anyway. Living room is picked up, laundry is in the dryer, Bear in the crib, and my husband is putting Monkey down. I have now dozed off 3 times while writing this, so k gjedd.tsmget

B

Pendulum

One of my biggest struggles is my work-life balance.

Basically, I feel like the balance doesnt exist.

Instead, I have a work-life pendulum. It swings back and forth, back and forth. And it never seems to pause in the middle.

I’ve been on spring break for two weeks, and today I went back to work. My spring break was great. I spent a lot of time with my kiddos (and I think it is safe to say that Monkey is potty trained) and I also did a lot of housework. I feel like my house is the neatest it has been since we moved in 3 years ago. I’ve been working on establishing good housekeeping habits – laundry every day so it doesn’t pile up, putting away the dishes regularly, sweeping the floors, etc. It has been baby steps but it has made a difference.

Meanwhile, I got chewed out by a coworker today for not having our lessons for enrichment finished. My classroom is a mess, despite the fact that it has been uninhabited for two weeks. I don’t have my lessons written for the rest of the week. And my patience with my students today was non-existent.

That’s the pendulum. Or see-saw. Or other consistently unbalanced thing. When I have my home life under control, my work life is a mess. When I’m on track at work, I feel like my kids and husband and house are neglected.

I have 8 weeks left of the school year to work on this balancing act. And I guarantee you that I will figure it out in 7 weeks. Just in time to go on summer break and get thrown off-kilter all over again.

Sorry if I sound complainy. Today was a stressful day.

Thanks for reading.

B

Today was a good day.

Today was actually a really good day.

We started our morning with an hour of Sofia the First (Monkey’s favorite show at the moment) while I got us ready to go to the zoo. Some mornings she can be really needy and it can be tough to get things done. Today she was mostly independent and sat at the table, contentedly eating some Fruit Loops and watching tv. She even got herself to the potty in time!

The only hiccup was the drama around putting on shoes.

For some reason, about 50% of the time, she gets tripped up with her shoes. She knows how to put them on. She’s been able to do it by herself for probably close to a year now. But for some reason, me saying “okay, put your shoes on so we can go” makes her just plain flip. She refuses, she goes to hide in her room, and sometimes I actually have to carry her out to the car sans shoes.

So. Anyway. I felt so proud of myself this morning. I packed the diaper bag last night, I even made sandwiches and had snacks packed for the day. I was so put together. Naturally, today was one of those shoe days. We got to the zoo a full 20 minutes later than planned.

Zoo was good. It drizzled a little which wasn’t a big deal. Walked a lot. The lion was actually awake, so that was neat. Saw a week old baby baboon. After we were done, I went to my parents.

I am really fortunate that I live near my parents, and I have a good relationship with my parents, and my parents are able to help out a lot. They actually watch my kids when I work.

After 2 weeks of spring break with basically zero time away from my wonderful kiddos, I needed a spring break from my spring break. My parents watched the kiddos while I went home and did some cleaning.

Yep. I used my child-free time to clean.

I washed dishes, cleaned underneath the dish drying rack, cleaned the sink, folded several loads of laundry, ran another two loads of laundry, and started cleaning the master bedroom when apparently Bear got fussy, so I went back over there.

Monkey has been diaper free and accident free today, which is awesome! She just hasn’t actually gone to the bathroom at all while we’ve been on outings, which on the one hand has been convenient, but on the other hand, can’t be great for her urinary tract…

All in all, it was a pretty good day. We got to spend time with friends and family, and I was moderately productive, and now I’m looking forward to crawling into bed.

Night,

B-Minus Mom

Potty Training – Successes and a minor setback

Well, overall, potty training is going pretty well. We’ve been diaperless during the day since Monday (it is now Thursday evening). We’re still putting Monkey in a diaper for overnights, and she’s been waking up wet, so I guess that’ll be an obstacle to address in the future.

We’ve successfully had several car rides and outings without any accidents! I feel like that is a HUGE deal! I’m feeling so proud of my little Monkey about that. And while at home, she has been great about regularly telling us she needs to go potty, or just heading straight to the bathroom by herself and going. She has even pooped in the potty, twice! (Which, what is the proper protocol for dealing with that? Like, clean-up-wise? I’ve been dumping it and wiping it with a wipe, but I feel like there has to be a better way, right?)

So overall, things are going well!

The only issue has been the transition to underwear. And she is so so so excited about getting to wear underwear. But, she has had a few pee accidents in her underwear. Pantsless? No accidents. Pants but nothing underneath? No accidents. But if we put on a pair of underwear? Yeah, no.

I’ve heard others suggest that maybe underwear feels too similar to a diaper and the kids get “confused.” Maybe that’s the case. Maybe it has just been a coincidence, and she would have had accidents those few times even if she had been pantsless. But it feels like the start of a pattern. So, maybe we need to wait a few more says before we’re underwear ready.

But, it feels like a success. I’m happy with how it has gone so far. Potty training has seemed like such a hurdle and I’ve been stressing it about it since Monkey turned two. And now I can see the finish line!

It feels good.

Signed,

B-Minus Mom

A Day in the Life – 4/2/2019

I’m on Spring Break from work right now, and I’m trying to enjoy it. But Monkey has been extra fussy, I think from the potty training. I mean, tantrums when I ask her to try going potty. And for the most part, she goes when she needs to. But if I know we’re about to go out somewhere or ride in the car, I’d really like her to try to go right before we leave so there’s a smaller chance of accidents.

So anywho. Honey leaves for work at around 5:30 am every day, so when the kids wake up after that, it’s all on me. Today, Bear woke up to nurse around 4 am, and again at 7. (Yes, I got to sleep in until 7 today, and yes, it was glorious.) After he woke up at 7 and nursed, he didn’t want to go back to sleep, but I did, so I put him down in his crib and let him play while I tried to doze back off. (Spoiler alert: didn’t work.) Around 7:45 he wasn’t having it anymore so I picked him up and we snuggled. Monkey woke up shortly after that.

Breakfast was cereal for Monkey and a concha for me. While we ate, we watched some Sofia the First, and Bear played in his jumperoo.

My plans for the day included possibly going to Free Forest School, and if not that, then story time at the library. But at 9, when I tried to get Monkey to use the potty, she had a melt down. Screaming, crying, snot running down her face because “I not need to go potty!” As though me saying, “okay, before we go, I want you to try to use the potty” was the same as me using duct tape to force her onto the potty.

So, I tried to calmly deal with the screaming, then I not so calmly made her stay in her room until she stopped screaming, then wiped her snotty face, got her changed and calmed down, and then the screaming started again. By that time, Bear had fallen back asleep. I was just thinking to myself “we are never going to be able to leave this house” when I heard a happy little “Mommy, I did it!” from the other room.

Too late for forest school and too late for story time, we headed to my parents house so I could get a break. I am extremely fortunate to have my family nearby and home just about 24/7 so there is always someone there to hang out and help out. We had a nice morning over there until my dad wanted to take Monkey to the park because, again, I asked her to try to use the potty before going to the park. Instantly turned into a fit of screams just like earlier. I think my poor dad might be traumatized. My dad took her outside to try to calm her down but honestly, that just made me feel embarrassed because not only is my toddler having a major fit, but now the whole neighborhood gets to hear it. No amount of “it’s okay if you don’t have to pee. I just want you to sit in the potty and try for a minute before you go” would get her to cooperate. When she started yelling st me and tried to push me, I had had enough, so I told her she could try to use the potty or we would be going home. More screams. So my dad tried (unsuccessfully) to wrestle her into her car seat, I eventually got her buckled in, and we headed back home. By the time we got home, she was knocked out, and ended up taking a 2 hour nap.

I tried to get Bear to nap when we got home, but chances are when you have two kids, you’ll never get them to sleep at the same time. So I watched some tv and Bear rolled around the living room for a while. Eventually Monkey woke up, my husband got home from work, and I suggested a costco trip. Again, I wanted Monkey to try to use the potty before we went to the store, and again, I’m sure you know how that went. (Not great.) Honey ended up taking Bear to the store while Monkey and I stayed home and I waited for her to eventually use the potty. Which she finally did, an hour later, as my Honey pulled up after shopping.

By this point in the day, my brain felt like melted cheese, so I decided we should have some melted cheese for dinner. Honey made chicken quesadillas while I entertained the kids (aka sat on the couch and checked facebook, occasionally getting up to play with a Princess or shake a rattle).

Bear went to bed at 8:30, and fortunately my husband is in charge of putting Monkey to bed, because it’s 9:45 PM and I can hear her little footsteps in the living room. Meanwhile, I’m in bed, writing this.

This was not one of my better days. We watched a lot of TV, there was a lot more screaming than normal, and I can tell you that today I accomplished washing half of the dishes and putting one load of laundry in the washer. But that’s why I’m a B- Mom. The goal of this blog is to share the ins and outs of my perfectly average parenting journey, with its highs and lows, in a candid and honest way. Because I know I’m not the only imperfect parent out there. And if you’re an imperfect parent like me, reader, then I hope you feel a little less alone.

See you next time,

B

Potty Training

Confession: Monkey is 2 years and 9 months old. And she’s not potty trained yet.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one of my mom friends whose kid isn’t potty trained yet. If I actually stop and think about all of my friends, I can find a few exceptions. But it feels like I’m behind.

I wanted to potty train her around her 2nd birthday. But I have been able to come up with excuse after excuse for why we haven’t done it yet. First, I wanted to wait until after her brother was born. I had heard from many people that, “oh, I had Baby 1 potty trained, and then Baby 2 came along and my first one regressed.” Or, I heard, “it is so hard to deal with taking the older sibling to the potty when we’re out in public when we have the baby with us. You know how dirty public restrooms are – do you really want to take a newborn in there?” No. No, I didn’t.

Then, after the Bear was born, I put it off. Monkey was only 2 years and 2 months – we had plenty of time to do it. Bear was born in September and I took of two months for maternity leave. I figured I’d wait until towards the end, so it wouldn’t be so tricky to deal with the needs of a newborn and a potty training toddler. But that idea was a dud too.

I told my husband that I should wait until I’m on break. He told me he didn’t think that was necessary. So we tried and made some progress for a few days. But we try to keep busy (read: my depression is much more severe when I stay at home, so we rarely stay home all day). So, we would go pantsless for an hour or so in the morning, then put a diaper on to go in the car to the grandparents’ house, then diaper off, then another diaper on when grandpa takes her to the library, then diaperless at the house, then diaper to go to the park…

I think you get the point. It was logistically challenging. So after a few days of that hot mess, we gave up and waited until I had time off work.

The nice thing about being a teacher is having lots of breaks and long weekends. I mean we work a lot to make up for it, but in this case, it was so easy to say “You know what, I have a week off at Thanksgiving. I’ll potty train her then.” “Christmas break is coming soon.” “MLK day, for sure.” “… How about spring break?”

So here I am, on spring break, trying for the 4th or 5th time to potty train my toddler. And now I’m done with the excuses. I know the real reason why we haven’t potty trained yet.

It’s hard.

Some of my friends make it sound so easy. “We just kept the pants off all day for two days and she was set!” “She actually told *me* that she didn’t want to wear diapers anymore. I guess she was just ready!” And maybe for some of them it really was easy. But the more I’ve pressed, the more I’ve learned that it really is hard for them too. One friend’s son was perfectly potty trained… while at home. They always put a pull up on him when he was out and about. Or, they always have an accident in the car. Go figure. The hidden secret was that it is actually a lot harder than it seems.

Right now, Monkey can consistently use the potty, even without being told to, if she is running around the house pantsless and diaperless. if we put pants on her, it’s a gamble. And wearing big girl underwear is a recipe for an accident.

But anyway, here we are. I’m trying very hard to maintain my sanity while potty training a strong-willed toddler, caring for a new crawler, leave the house a moderate amount, and do it all before I go back to work in 6 days.

Wish me luck.

Hello.

Hi.

I’m writing this to myself, and to you, to share my daily experience as what I consider to be a perfectly average parent.

There are a lot of mommy bloggers out there who show off their clean houses and perfectly presentable dinners and their professional-status birthday parties.

I aspire to that stuff. But I’m not there. Most days, I don’t think I’m even close.

So, about me. I am a 27 year old working mom of two. Monkey is 2 years and 8 months old, and Bear is 7 months. My husband is a really incredible guy who, after 11 years together and 3.5 years of marriage, I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have him.

I have depression. I’ve had it most of my life, but I was diagnosed with it back in 2014. I take medication for it which keeps it under control most of the time… but some days are better than others.

I’m an elementary school teacher and I love love love my job. I feel like a lot of mommy bloggers do not work outside the home (which I am very well aware is not the same as not working – I work because working keeps me sane! I find it too hard to stay home full time with my kids) so I feel like being a full time working mom gives me a different perspective and a different experience from others.

Anyway, I’m writing this to share the ups and downs, and what my world looks like on a day to day basis. (Spoiler alert – there’s a lot of laundry and a lot of screen time.) Will anyone read this but me? I have no idea. If you do, I hope it makes you feel a little less alone and a little more normal.

Thanks for reading.

-B Minus Mom